Archives for category: Religion

While I was sat in my pyjamas at 6am, watching William and Kate single-handedly save the British monarchy and by extension all of civilisation (and giggle at the word “poorer”), I had a sudden, uncomfortable realisation. I missed a massive opportunity to make some cash.

Every single TV channel here was saturated with English voices, most offering almost no insight whatsoever. Stand up, Imogen Lloyd Webber, and your repeated observation that the Prince and his bride were “keeping it real, keeping it royal”. See also cod psychologist *cough* body language expert Judi James, Cat Deeley (really? Why?) and assorted randoms clogging up the breakfast show sofas. I’d mistakenly assumed that as someone with zero royalist credentials, I’d not be wanted. I was obviously wrong. Read the rest of this entry »


Yup, we did those. Quite chuffed too.

Americans love a holiday – Halloween, Thanksgiving, Mother’s Day – any excuse to buy decorations. (Yes, Mother’s Day and Halloween aren’t actually holidays, but that’s just another difference in our mutual language – if you mean holiday, you say vacation.)

This weekend, an entire houseful of grown-ups dipped boiled eggs (and our fingers) in dye and had a thoroughly good time. I can’t say I remember decorating eggs since the age of six, and I can’t imagine anyone I know doing it back home, but the American enthusiasm for tradition knows no bounds. The Brit in me wonders if it’s because they have such a short history; the expat thinks it’s great.


For the child who has everything, comes the “perfect gift for every young Catholic athlete“, handily also a “wonderful way to reinforce Jesus “as friend” in everyday activities”. And if you’re thinking what I’m thinking, I’ll meet you in hell.

Some more fun (at only $21.95) for you:

Yes, they play soccer here. Sorry, football

Yes, they play soccer here. Sorry, football

Number 21 is in trouble

Number 21 is in trouble

By the way, “Many customers have requested these Jesus Sport Statues depicting children other than Caucasian and playing other sports; we have expressed these requests to manufacturers and importers. When and if other statues are available, will carry them.” So there.

Ta v much to McIver the elder.

The latest texting acronym to be seen on phones across America? The delicately put, all purpose get-out, “ite”. (And no, it’s not like saying “uck”, nsfw-style.)

It stands for In This Economy – as in:

wd lv 2 cm 4 dnnr w u at the waverly, bt ite…

Which, loosely translated, means:

What kind of freakish 2005 throwback are you, you insensitive, still-employed scumbag?

There are many excellent reasons to live in America. There are also many uniquely British things you come to miss. Like intelligent, serious news, that occasionally deigns to present, say, the Palestinian’s point of view. Or maybe anything that’s happening outside of the USA and Israel.

That is why we pay an extra $20 a month to get cable TV, which is the only way you can get BBC News America here.

But disastrously, it’s presented by the smuggest man your brain could conjure up: Matt Frei, that gorgeous creature pictured above. He is incapable of resisting a cheap quip, right in the middle of a serious debate. He is, in short, an egomaniac, and one who thinks he’s miles above the competition. Mention his name to any Brit (or Irish) expat in this country and I guarantee that they will start spitting with rage.

Might John Humphrys like a transfer to Washington? Please?

In most parts of the world, the moment when someone asks you for directions is the moment when you you know you’ve assimilated.

In New York, particularly in Brooklyn, it’s when someone stops you in the street and asks, ‘Are You Jewish?’ This week is Passover, or Pesach. My first clue to that was when I was working on the checkout in the Coop, and scanned a pack of kosher Philadelphia Cream Cheese specially made for the holiday.

This is also the season when New Yorkers, Jewish and otherwise, go on their annual hunt for kosher Coke hunts. Normally it’s made with that lovely invention, high fructose corn syrup, but right now, you can buy it made the old fashioned way, with honest to goodness sugar. It’s the real thing. Apparently.

Anyway, so right now, as well as buying up kosher Coke and cream cheese, Brooklyn’s Jewish population is also looking for lapsed Jews. They stop you in the street to see if they can talk you back into the fold, and in some circles, they’ll even have you if you’re not properly Jewish, eg if your mother isn’t, but your father is, or your father’s mother. According to that, if you go back far enough, they can count me in, and my boyfriend, and quite a lot of other people I know.

By which count, we really must be New Yorkers now. Now all I need is a therapist.